


Let It Be Me

by Pfain Ryder (Cat_Moon)



Series: Angelfire Universe [11]
Category: Quantum Leap
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 18:40:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 21,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19409104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cat_Moon/pseuds/Pfain%20Ryder
Summary: The path of true love doesn't always run smoothly.  Sam and Al still have unfinished business to deal with between them...  Now that Al has jumped into the accelerator to save Sam's life, will they leap together, or be torn apart again?Angelfire Universe (and if you don't read previous stories in the series you may be confused about developments in their relationship).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There's a special guest in this part, yes that name isn't a coincidence. Couldn't resist... What can I say, it's a small world.

October 1, 1964:

When once again aware of being somewhere, I found myself locked in an embrace with a strong pair of arms and set of persuasive lips. Very familiar lips, although why they were didn't matter as much at the moment as that they continue their gentle onslaught. I vaguely wondered if finding myself in such a situation was becoming a habit. The previous leap-in had landed me in bed with a woman.

To my chagrin, I felt a persistent tugging behind me and my arm was yanked roughly, pulling me away from my partner. Once contact was broken, I opened my eyes and stared into...

Al's equally dazed face.

With that piece of information came the realization that we'd leaped together--in the flesh. I was just about to reach for him again when the person holding my arm pulled me further away.

"I said, let's go, Chrissy! Your mother and I expressly forbid you to have anything to do with this hoodlum and what do I find you doing?!"

I stared at Al as I was dragged to a waiting car. _So close, yet so far_ , I thought, as I watched him grow distant. He still wore that stunned expression, and it might have been funny, except...

"Oh boy..."

XXX

_...We leaped together!_ Nothing much else registered until Al was out of sight. The man who'd torn me away from him, Chrissy's father, turned on the radio. _I'm Mr. Lonely_ , the sad voice of Bobby Vinton sang. Which summed up the way I felt as I stared out the windshield.

I automatically began going over the facts I had on the leap. I was, judging from my image in the rear view mirror, a teenage girl named Chrissy. Studying my surroundings placed us in the early sixties. Her parents thought her boyfriend was a hoodlum, and she wasn't supposed to see him anymore. Obviously that hadn't stopped her. I didn't intend to let it stop me, either. It was an all too familiar scenario, the kind of stuff great songs are made of. We were in the middle of classic young love...except that I was now Chrissy. And Al was her – _my_ boyfriend. It could be a blessing or a curse. It could get complicated. Very.

I glanced at my 'dad' but couldn't think of what to say or how to say it, so I slouched down in the seat to sulk, the way Chrissy probably would have. Actually I knew how she felt; I was none too thrilled about being ripped from my man's side, either. I probably should have been in better spirits. Al and I had been given the chance to spend some time together, physically. Was it a scientific fluke, or a gift from the Powers running things? Ever since we'd simo-leaped, everything was different, even more unpredictable than before.

During the last leap, we hadn't dared hope this situation would arise. Under the circumstances, it was a gift dangled like a carrot on a stick that we'd have to climb a few mountains to reach. Judging by the scowl on Pop's sourpuss, Chrissy was probably grounded for at least a year. That was okay with me, to get to Al, I was fully prepared to make all my accomplishments on other leaps look like quarks if I had to.

I spent the rest of the ride home thinking up ways to sneak out and meet Al. The irony wasn't lost on me; it, too, was surely what Chrissy would have done.

**AL** :

I was rooted to the spot as I watched the car drive away, taking Sam with it. By the time I had enough presence of mind to think of trying to stop them, they were gone, and a sense of loss settled over me.

Never slow on the uptake when I had a warm body in my arms, I'd taken full advantage of the position I found myself in before I'd even gotten a sense of balance back. It just felt so damn good to have him in my arms, mouth against mine. My idea of heaven. Corny, but true.

"Hey, Alley Cat." An arm went around my shoulder casually.

Three teenage boys appeared at my side. They must've been nearby the whole time; I just hadn't noticed anything besides Sam.

"When are you gonna get it through your head, Chrissy Cambridge is way out of your league?" the guy with the arm asked.

One of the others elbowed him. "Naw, Tony, maybe if he keeps at it, her rich daddy will offer to pay him to stay away from her. Right, Niko?"

I had it down. The arm was Tony, the elbow was Phil -- from the name on his jacket, the other guy was Niko. I was...Alley Cat?

"Take the money, Alley," Niko suggested. "With her tastes and your salary, you ain't gonna be able to keep a girl like that satisfied anyways.

I had a weird sense of deja vu, as if I'd lived this before. The role was comfortable, and I knew exactly what was expected of me. I smiled lecherously. "On the contrary, I can keep any woman satisfied..."

They hooted and pounded me on the back. That set off a group discussion about the local girls. It was overly familiar, only the names were different. Boys will be boys. I was able to participate fully in the twenty-minute bull session with only part of my attention, the rest being on the situation I found myself in.

I knew why it was so familiar. It was like out of the Lords of Flatbush, or one of those other fifties/sixties movies. Except I could tell right away it wasn't New York, it had that mid-America look.

Then there was the little cutie whose parents didn't want her dating a boy from an orphanage. Turned out to be no great loss; when she was sixteen some rich boy knocked her up and caused quite a scandal. Which brought me back to an amazing fact...the rich girl I was trying to woo this time was my own cutie, Sam. It seemed a very good possibility that was why we were here.

Well, if that's what I was supposed to do, it'd be a piece of cake, not to mention a pleasure I was already looking forward to. Chrissy. The name seemed to fit Sam, strange as that was. I wondered what she looked like, figured it was a good thing I could see Sam. Things could get pretty weird otherwise...not that they weren't liable to, anyway.

I'd said I could keep any woman satisfied. I found myself wondering if that applied to a man as well.

**SAM** :

The house we pulled up in front of was even more impressive than I'd expected. These people were more than well off. No wonder they were so upset about their daughter hanging around with the leather-jacketed guy she'd been kissing. The upper class prefer inbreeding.

We trudged inside in silence, me bracing myself for parental wrath. I followed Dad into a sterile looking sitting room, where a woman sat reading. She looked up from her magazine at our entrance.

"Do you know where I found her?" Dad began angrily. "With _him_. Allister Conway."

 _Allister... Al for short?_ I had to smile, relieved I wouldn't have to remember to call him by another name. I always had enough trouble trying to keep myself from talking to him in front of people when he was a hologram. My natural responses to him were near impossible to control.

Mother stood up, giving me one of those 'how could you' looks designed to promote guilt in children. It never worked in situations like this, but some things parents never seemed to learn.

It was going smoothly so far, because I knew just what to say. And I didn't even have to do any pretending this time. "But I love him!" I cried petulantly.

"Sweetheart, he's all wrong for you," all-knowing Mother told me.

"You can do better than that!" Dad insisted, speaking in a quiet but commanding voice. He wasn't the type to yell, he didn't have to. "You're grounded for two weeks." He left the room.

"I wouldn't be too sure about that," I mumbled at his retreating form, to both statements.

I felt a motherly arm go around my shoulders. "We just want the best for our little girl."

"I already have it," I couldn't help defending, even though as far as Chrissy was concerned I had no idea if it were true. It was _my_ truth.

"You know he can't provide for you, he never even finished high school. He was lucky to get that job on the docks, and it's only temporary. When the harbor ices over, he'll be laid off with the others."

"Doesn't love count for anything?" It sounded as petulant as it was foolish. I knew the answer. In the real world, a person couldn't live on love. One also needed certain necessities. Like food and a place to live.

"What about college plans?" mom countered. "Until he came along, you were all set on getting into a good school and making a career choice. If you give it up to marry him, a housewife and mother is as far as you'll go, unless you end up waiting tables to help with bills."

"I..." That brought me up short. Until then, I'd been all wrapped up in identifying with her devotion and romanticizing the whole concept of love against all odds. I'd been reacting with my emotions, all ready to advocate living in squalor for true love. Undoubtedly what Chrissy had been doing. But I had always put a high value on education. Could a person really find true love at seventeen? Look how long it had taken _me_. On the other hand, I hadn't known Al then, either, unfortunately. What if I had? Fact was, all I had to go on right then was confusion.

"I...have to think about it," I finally answered.

Mom nodded, apparently taking it as a good sign. I was dismissed.

XXX

I found my way to my room and closed the door with a sigh of relief. My haven was done all in pink and lace, with stuffed animals of all kinds for company. I studied myself in the mirror over the vanity. Long curly brown hair framed a pleasant face. I was 'cute'. I turned away, focusing on absorbing a sense of Chrissy from my surroundings. Her personality was oozing from everything and I concentrated on learning all I could, both from instincts and physical clues.

It didn't look like we needed Ziggy on this one. We were either there to break Chrissy and Allister up, or to keep them together. The answer, however, wasn't going to be so easy to figure out. Her mother had made a valid point about college; marrying him could be the worst mistake she ever made. On the other hand, if they were truly in love...

My track record on gut instincts was excellent. Unfortunately, this time all they were telling me was that I was going to die of terminal frustration if I didn't get a chance to release some of what Al called my excess energy, very soon. I was in 1964 and so was he, and all I wanted was to be able to feel his solid reality again.

I picked up a stuffed pink-and-purple lamb and sat on the bed. As I rested my elbow on the pillow, I noticed a lump. It turned out to be a diary. I only hesitated a moment before opening it. I've gotten used to invading other people's privacy. Hell, if taking over their lives for days didn't qualify, reading a diary was small potatoes.

I scanned the last few entries:

Sept. 28 \--

My parents finally put their foot down and forbade me to see Allister anymore. Not that it's going to stop me, just make it more difficult. I was reading in one of those magazines -- you know, the kind Mom would have a fit if she caught me with -- it says danger and illicitness adds spice to a relationship. I'll let you know if it's true.

Sept. 29 \--

They want me to wait until after college to consider marriage. They claim if it's real we'll still be in love four years from now. I'd die if I had to be separated from him that long! I just couldn't stand it. I've seen kids make that mistake and lose their love. Can't they understand that sometimes love won't wait? Besides, Alley won't hear of it. After all, what man could deal with a wife who's been to college, makes more money than him and all? Besides, the most important truth is that I'd gladly live in poverty for the rest of my life, long as it was with him.

Sept. 30 \--

I had another fight with them about Allister, but I don't care what they say. No other guy ever made me feel as special as he does. When I'm with him, I know I'm the most important thing in his world. Somebody told my Dad about his nickname and how he earned it, so he thinks Allister is just playing with me. The old 'a leopard can't change his spots' routine. But I can tell just by looking closely at him, how I make him feel. Sometimes he gives me a puzzled look and asks why I'm staring. I make up some excuse. Can't very well tell him I'm looking at a miracle. That's mushy girl stuff. Anyway, I know I'm the only girl for him.

I skimmed a few more entries, they seemed to be more of the same. She talked of little else. Still, it wasn't a clear-cut problem. I knew plenty of couples who did decide to marry right away, and spent their later lives resenting each other. Come to think of it, I'd been in one of those type of situations myself. I needed more information before I could reach a conclusion...and Al's help. Hopefully after we'd solved _our_ problem. I had a feeling neither one of us was going to be able to think very clearly until then.

  
**AL** :

It was a weird feeling stumbling around in a place you've never been, trying to pretend to know people you'd never seen before. I grew to appreciate the familiarity of the leap all the more. And respected Sam's talents, at going through this constantly. It would drive me buggy if I had to. Would I? That was something I avoided contemplating for the time being, what would happen after this leap. Anyway, I had enough to worry about.

I found my way home, which was a run-down shack on the wrong side of town, near the railroad tracks. With a cheap pool hall across the street. My mother lay on the couch with a bottle of gin for company. She nodded vaguely in my direction when I walked in.

I found my room with no trouble and collapsed on the bed, lighting a cigarette. No cigars for this Al for awhile, I had to make do with what I had.

I gathered that Allister and his mother didn't have the warmest relationship in the world; wondered if there was a father around. I could feel sorry for Alley Cat. He was in a real no-win situation. No, that was wrong. It's what I'd thought about my own life as well. There was a way out, we just had to find it.

After his mom fell asleep--passed out, whatever--I snooped around and did my homework. Mine, not Alley's. He'd dropped out of school before the semester started, to go to work. The father had walked out years before. Now, Alley Cat was the only thing standing between his mother and the streets. She refused to resort to welfare, so her son paid for her pride.

**SAM** :

It seemed this leap was overrun with information, and dinner was a veritable gold mine. We were in Duluth, Minnesota, in 1964. I was the only child of parents Elsie and Meridith, which explained the excess smothering I--she--had to endure. They weren't always this well off, Meridith had clawed his way up from the bottom, and Elsie used to be a seamstress in a factory. I guessed they didn't want Chrissy throwing away all they'd worked for, but I was still amazed they could be so harsh on Allister after having been where he was themselves.

There was a dance at school the following night and Mom had just finished hemming Chrissy's dress. Since she had a date with a nice young man from a good family, the grounding was rescinded for the night. It was obvious they were hoping their daughter would hit it off with this guy and forget all about Allister. Wonderful.

I considered protesting; my experiences with dating a man as a woman had soured me on the whole deal. Then I changed my mind. There was a chance of seeing Al there, and at least I'd have an excuse to be out of the house. Besides, I had to keep myself actively involved in the leap to get a better grasp on the problem, especially since we didn't have Ziggy.

Sometimes I formed a deeper empathetic bond with the people I leaped into, and I really cared about helping Chrissy. Besides, much as I love Al, I did not intend to spend the rest of my life as a woman. No way. Always being degraded, underestimated, discriminated against. As far as I was concerned, any woman who survived all that and came out a strong successful person was tougher than any man.

After dinner I had to suffer through trying on the dress, which was actually very pretty. It was red with lace, and more revealing than I expected her mother to allow. I'd made a rash assumption. Just because they didn't want her marrying a poor boy, didn't mean they were puritans.

"I hope you haven't...done anything with Allister," Mom said hesitantly as she stood off to survey her handiwork.

"Do what?" I asked innocently, hoping I wouldn't be stuck in a mother/daughter discussion on the birds and bees. I'd learned about sex from Tom's Playboy magazines and medical books from the library, at an age when Al was probably just learning to read Dick and Jane, I might add. I found out early that being a genius has its advantages.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about, Christine Cambridge!"

"Yes," I answered. "I sure do." I fingered the neck of the dress I wore. "It's okay to try and seduce the rich kid with this dress, but wrong to have sex with the man I love."

"If your father heard you talking like that! I'm only saying you should give him a chance. You might just miss out on the best thing to happen to you by being so stubborn."

Thinking about how long it took Al and me to realize our feelings for each other, I had to admit she had a point.

"And if you're thinking that if he gets you in trouble, your Dad will agree to you marrying, you're very mistaken."

"Why, is that what happened to you?" I asked in flash of insight.

My answer was the sting of a hand across my face.

"I'm sorry," I said contritely, rubbing my cheek. "Don't worry, I don't think you have to be concerned about me getting pregnant." _I sure hope not..._

"I'm sure I don't. I know you're not that stupid." Our conversation was now at an end, stilted with wounded feelings.

"Uh...thanks for hemming the dress, Mom."

"You're welcome." She began gathering her things. "I've got to go and catch Lucia before she leaves for the night, yesterday she forgot to take out the garbage." She closed the door softly behind her.

After Mom left I put on the radio and spent some time choosing accessories for the outfit. I hummed along with those brand new, oldies but goodies, noticing how many of them I could relate to Al, being along the same basic theme of boy-from-the-wrong-side-of-town. I smiled. The role was perfect for him. Especially the part about being misunderstood. The boys in those songs were usually good guys who had a lot of bad breaks to overcome. Except Al had no problem rising above his misfortunes, as fast as life could throw them at him. He shone like the north star, far above those sad boys destined for tragedy. I hoped Chrissy was as lucky as me.

I found a pair of black flats in the bottom of the closet that went well with the dress, relieved I wouldn't have to try and dance in heels; I was barely able to walk in them. A black shawl completed the outfit.

I studied Chrissy in the full length mirror. Not bad. While she wasn't glamorous looking, the outfit complimented her features perfectly and I figured would probably drive the boys crazy. Of course, there was only one boy I wanted to have that effect on. But he'd see...I'd seen Al as himself, so assumed he still saw the real me. The idea he might see a man in drag drew me up short, but there was nothing I could do except deal with it. I guessed he was used to it.

Great, as if I wasn't going to have enough trouble keeping the teenage boys at bay. Or, maybe I wouldn't have to. I didn't think Allister would take too kindly to other guys trying to put the make on his girl. But how would my Al deal with it? Would he be angry, or jealous? I had to admit, the idea wasn't entirely unpleasant to me. It was going to be an interesting night...

I decided to go light on the make up, for Al's sake. I located Chrissy's jewelry box, searching for the right pair of earrings and necklace. A Kinks song came on the radio, and I stared at it in a moment of confusion. 'Leader Of The Pack' right along-side 'You really Got Me'. Sixty-four was a year of transition for America. Within months, the innocence of youth would make way for free sex, drugs and love beads. At that very moment, in San Francisco and on some college campuses, the seeds of rebellion were being sown. I wondered how it would affect Chrissy and Allister. Seeing them happily married and away from that scene was looking better all the time. I had a feeling she was the type of person who'd easily get caught up in it, especially if she chose college over him and began to regret it.

**AL** :

Five minutes after I reported for work, I was wishing I'd called in sick. Allister worked at the docks, loading and unloading the ships that came in. It was back-breaking labor and definitely not my cup of tea. Maybe my own life hadn't been so bad. I was poor, I was alone, but school and the Navy had saved me from having to do any kind of slavery like this. I'm not saying the military wasn't tough, but at least it got you somewhere beside just old. When I was Allister's age I was already flying recon missions for the Navy.

Maybe that was the key to getting Allister out of his pitiful situation and helping him give Chrissy the kind of life she deserved. I knew he was staying out of the draft by being his mother's only source of support; besides, I wasn't going to do to Chrissy what I'd done to Beth. School might work, although if I had to get him through high school I was gonna be there for a _long_ time. And unless I could find a night job for him... I tried to remember if there was such a thing as night school in '64.

Could we win Chrissy's folks over, get them to help? I tended to doubt it, but then, Sam could charm the birds out of the trees. He wasn't easy to resist, and I ought to know that better than anyone, I'm the expert.

It didn't help that I'd spent a near sleepless night tossing and turning, visions of wickedly wonderful things dancing before my eyes. The only thing got me through the day was anticipation of the school dance that night, seeing Sam. Doing much more than just seeing him...

_I been slaving at my job, working like a dog all day; thinking about you girl, and watching the minutes slip away...*_

I wondered if that's how Alley Cat got through his dreary life. Was Chrissy the one bright shining sun that made it all worthwhile? There was another similarity between us. From what I'd gathered from the guys, the nickname Alley Cat was earned in the way you'd expect, the way I was very familiar with. And from the ribbing I was getting, he was soon to lose the title.

_...And I know there's someone inside me that nobody sees. I know in the darkness you're gonna be reaching for me..._

Being Alley had already taught me to appreciate my own life more. I'd had some good breaks along the way. Of course, opportunities only work if you have the vision to see them, and the drive to go after them. The courage to try. Maybe I was there to give him a boot in the right direction.

_...I'm a legend tonight, gonna make you feel right; when you reach for the light, I'm a legend tonight..._

I sang the KISS song under my breath as I passed the eternal time until five o'clock. I sure hoped Paul Stanley would forgive me if I accidentally let someone steal his song from him before he'd even written it.

I was never so glad to see a day over. The night awaited. I headed for my car, still singing.

_...On the edge of the darkness we'll be living in another world, and I know that a part of you is gonna be part of me girl... I don't know what happens when the race is run, I don't know who tells me if I've lost or won, but I know that I'll make it through the day okay, and girl you're gonna find out..._

I'm a legend tonight.

XXX

I heard it, but didn't believe it. Okay, maybe Chrissy had a date with this guy Ken, but Sam surely wouldn't go through with it. He wasn't the kind of girl to cheat on his boyfriend -- even, or especially, when the parents were against the guy. He was a sucker for the downtrodden. I ought to know.

The boys and I hung out in the corner of the gym, making dirty comments about the girls. I supplied the right responses automatically, mind terminally on Sam. Sure, I was naturally attracted to the sweet young things around me, but there was a subtle difference about it. I wondered if it was permanent. It was Sam I was waiting for, Sam I wanted in my arms. Not so surprising, our love was still new.

Then there was Tina. Lately, I'd tried to commit more to my relationship with her. I still looked and drooled, but I'd given up on the careless flings I used to indulge in. Truth be told, Sam was the first person I'd cheated on her with in a long time.

Yet, as I said, this had a difference about it now, one I couldn't yet define. The rules had taken a drastic turn, just when I'd gotten a grasp on the old ones. After five wives, I was hopelessly in love with someone who was as much a man as me. I guessed it meant my sexual orientation had shifted, which filled me with more questions than I ever had in my life.

I wondered what kind of relationship Sam and I would have. I didn't know what he wanted, but somewhere deep inside, knew what _I_ wanted. And it scared the hell out of me. It was mind boggling that after all those women, all the things I'd gone through in my life, finally, at my age, it took Sam Beckett to make me realize the truth. Most of my wives came to believe that getting me to be faithful would be like getting the rain to stop, and it might always be true... but Sam had already made rain, so maybe he could also stop it. If there was one person who could tame me, it would be Sam. Whether he wanted to or not, would he up to him.

The guys were passing around a flask of whiskey. Tony took a swallow, then gave it to me. I opened my mouth to make an excuse for turning it down, when he spoke.

"Hey Alley Cat, there's Chrissy. With Ken."

I watched them walk in. This guy was blond and tall and every girl in the room turned to drink in the view. Sam a wearing a low cut red dress and a big smiled, as they talked. Ken guided Sam to a table, an arm around his shoulder. They sat down.

As Tony whistled, I unscrewed the top of the flask and took a generous slug. "Oh boy."

**SAM** :

I was actually enjoying myself. Ken Hutchinson not only turned out to be a perfect gentlemen, but he was charming and easy to talk to. With his looks, I guessed the girls were all dying over him, but he didn't wear that conceited arrogance most gorgeous men do. He was quite humble and unassuming, and not just another pretty face. He was a student at the University of Minnesota and delighted with my own intelligence, probably relieved to be able to have a stimulating conversation with a girl and not have to fish around for topics. He had an inclination toward shyness, but all I had to do was get him talking academics and he loosened up.

The gym was decorated with balloons and papier-mache streamers. The music and atmosphere transported me. I was a part of 1964, this school and these kids. I felt the magic seep into my bones, knowing what it must feel like for a young girl. It saddened me that Chrissy was missing out on one of her special nights. I vowed to enjoy it for her.

My own high school dances were few and those filled with painful longing, as I watched the girl I had a crush on dancing with other guys, too nervous to approach her myself. How she actually became my first wife, was a quirk of fate. And leaping. Most times I'd end up in bed later, intimate with my right hand. Or sometimes, I'd end up fleeing to the boys' room on the spot.

Speaking of longing, there was Al this time, hanging out in the corner with his buddies, like the cool dudes they were pretending to be. He alone made this night more special than any other.

Ken asked me to dance. We took to the floor and my balloon burst. Awkward didn't begin to cover it. I like dancing...but this wasn't dancing. Finally I dared suggest I give him a quick lesson in slow dancing, no way would I attempt a fast one with him, could have definitely been hazardous to my health.

After that he wasn't too bad, but I wished the hoodlum in the corner would cut in. I ached for him. I had a feeling he was too afraid and uncomfortable to do more than hide. Luckily for him, I was there. I had no intentions of leaving him to his lonely bed and right hand.

**AL** :

By the time the flask was empty I was feeling much more in control of the situation. I watched Sam and Ken, sharing in my friends' laughter about the clumsy oaf with the two left feet.

Sam's relief when the song ended was visible, and made me smile. Our eyes met and he smiled too. The look in his eyes made me wonder what the hell I was doing standing there. As they went back to their table, I snapped out of whatever limbo I'd been in.

The next song was _Let It Be Me._ It galvanized me into action, as memories of singing it to Sam during a long ago leap flooded in. It was my song to him, even then, even if he hadn't known it. Finally, he would know.

_I bless the day I found you, I want to stay around you, and so I beg you, let it be me..._

Next thing I knew I was standing at the table, eyes locked on Sam. I held out my hand. "May I have this dance?"

Sam smiled, eyes shining for me. He took my hand and we were swept up in the magic of the moment. He slipped easily into my arms. Like I said, heaven...

_...Don't take this heaven from one, if you must cling to someone, now and forever, let it be me..._

We held each other tight, swaying to the music, and I lost myself in the words. Our first dance couldn't have been a more perfect song. I began singing it softly in his ear.

_...Each time we meet love, I find complete love; without your sweet love, what would life be? So never leave me lonely, tell me you love me only, and that you'll always...let it be me..._

Luckily the next song was also a slow one. We would've looked kind of strange doing the twist body to body, and neither of us was letting go.

"Ah, Sam..." I sighed, a lethargic peacefulness filling me.

"I missed you," he confessed softly.

I agreed, it seemed like forever since yesterday. "We can't let these long separations continue."

He chuckled and I felt warm lips on my neck.

I shivered involuntarily. "Careful," I warned. "We may get arrested."

"You can see me, can't you?" he asked.

"Feel you too," I stated, as he pressed his lower body tighter against mine.

"That's a relief."

"You're telling me?!" I laughed. "I'm confused enough!"

Sam wrapped his arms more securely around me. It was his turn to sing to me, breath tickling my ear, as _Baby, Be Mine_ floated around us. I closed my eyes and the room dissolved. We were in our own special world and the only thing I knew was in my arms. We weren't dancing as much as plastered together, rocking each other. The fact that he was supposed to be Chrissy, was dressed like her, didn't take on any importance. All I knew, all I ever saw, even back in the days when I too saw the aura, was my Sam.

Soon the subtle rhythm we'd set intensified. He made a small sound in his throat. The feel of his cock set off a chain reaction, and lust ignited deep within me. Staying that close could be very dangerous under the circumstances. But...could we pry ourselves apart?

Luckily, fate stepped in. Ken tapped me on the shoulder. "May I cut in?"

We sprang apart as if burned, staring at one another.

I couldn't look into those eyes and stay sane. "Sure." I looked at Ken gratefully. Hating him.

Allowing myself a quick glance at Sam, I retreated to my corner. My erection stretched the seams of the tight jeans I wore uncomfortably, making me long for my own roomier pants. Sam looked in worse shape, dazed and abandoned. Surely he understood why I'd had to put some space between us? The reality of being with him in the flesh was overloading my senses too quickly. I needed to regroup.

I continued to watch them dance, trying to ignore the teasing comments from Allister's friends. In the shape I was in, it wasn't working very well. The booze, the hard-on, the crazy leap and the new feelings were a dangerous combination.

"You're slipping, Alley Cat, letting your girl dance with that guy," Tony commented.

"They look awfully cozy to me," Niko added. "Dancing real close together, his body against hers, swaying..."

"Shut up!" I grumbled, wishing I didn't feel compelled to stare at them. Sam seemed to be ignoring me. He did look...comfortable, dancing with Ken, now that he'd gotten the guy to stop stepping on his feet. Too much so for my comfort.

Suddenly the image of the moment I'd popped in to find Sam in a passionate embrace with the Master flooded into my mind, almost knocking me off my feet as it had done at the time. It seemed I'd ignored the memory, shoved it into the back of my mind in a case of selective Swiss cheesing. My concern for Sam was more important during that leap than dealing with my own feelings. I was paying the price now. It was a hell of a time to face the shadow on the threshold.

Sam laughed at something Ken said and abruptly, I'd had enough. There I was, dying to spend precious time with the man I loved, and he was having a grand old time with another guy. I started over, spurred on by encouragement from the guys behind me.

When I reached them, I grabbed Sam's arm. "I think we should talk, Chrissy."

Sam resisted for a split second, and Ken moved to stand between us gallantly. "Grabbing a lady's arm roughly is not the gentlemanly way to cut in, _friend_."

I bit back a reply about Sam not being any lady and looked to him for support, not quite believing the situation. Sam, damn him, wasn't saying anything.

"This is between Chrissy and me," I told Ken firmly.

He looked at her to my relief, putting Sam on the spot for an answer. Ken was actually an all right guy, for someone whose guts I hated.

I'd never believed in treating a woman roughly either, but Sam was a man, my equal, and I'd kick his butt in a minute if he deserved it.

"It's okay Ken," Sam finally said. "I'll be right back."

 _Not if I can help it._ I steered him over to a quiet corner. "Okay, Chrissy, what's going on?"

"Nothing," he answered, but didn't look at me.

"Bullshit." I knew how to get his attention. "There's a leap going on here, don't you think we should at least discuss it?" I hid behind self-righteousness. "That is, if you can tear yourself away from Kenny."

"That's not fair!" Sam defended angrily. "Yes, there's a leap, and I am working on it. Which is more than I can say for you; all I've seen you do is hang out with those kids and drink!"

So he'd noticed the flask and was showing his disapproval. It didn't matter to me; as far as I was concerned I had a perfectly good reason to have a couple of shots...which was all it had been, but I let him think what he wanted.

"Hold it! I've been trying to get a chance to talk to you, you've been ignoring me!" I blurted out with more trace of hurt than I would've liked.

"Ignoring you?" Sam stared at me. "You're the one who ran away before and left me with him!"

I was confused. Somehow, we'd started out with tenderness and ended up fighting. And I was scared. I didn't have a very good track record with my wives. If I blew this one it would finish me, it meant far more to me than any of them had. Or all of them put together, for that matter... I was really going around the bend this time.

"I think we have a big misunderstanding here," I tried.

Sam didn't let me continue. He smiled slyly and I could almost see the light bulb over his head. "Al...are you jealous?"

"All right," I held up my hands hastily in surrender. "I'm sorry. For whatever I did."

"Me, too." He lowered his head, resting his forehead on my shoulder.

My arms automatically went around him. "Wanna dance, cutie-pie?" I asked in a silky voice.

Sam nodded against my shoulder.

I impulsively kissed his cheek. Grabbing his hand in mine, I led the way to the dance floor. He came along, almost shyly. Seductive one minute, shy the next, the man was revealing himself to be a paradox. It was tough for the one who thought he'd known him as well as anyone could know another. There were new things for me to learn about Sam Beckett. In our relationship too, things were changing. Unfortunately, it was too soon to see the results.

I did know him enough to see there was something bothering him. The eyes I knew so well would never be able to hide from me. I couldn't push him on it, coax a little, maybe. Eventually he'd come to me with it...I hoped.

All I cared about at the moment was that we were on the floor and he was in my arms again and nothing ever felt more right...even if the man I loved was wearing a dress. I laughed to myself.

"What's so funny?" Sam asked.

"Just wondering if the man I love is a drag queen," I admitted.

He pinched me in a very private place.

"Ouch, hey! Tall people are obnoxious."

"Ah, I was wondering when that peeve would slip in." Sam tried to reverse our positions and take the lead.

"Oh no you don't, Chrissy. It's the only piece of male dignity left to me."

"Yep." Sam pressed closer to me. "And like I said before, you ain't seen nothing yet."

"That's right, I haven't. So when am I going to?" I dared venture.

"Soon as I figure out a way to ditch my date?" he suggested, a promising gleam in his eyes.

"I like it... you cheap hussy."

"What can I say? I'm your kind of woman, Al," he quipped.

We spent a few quiet minutes swaying together, enjoying the lack of time and space between us.

"I care about the leap, Al," Sam broke the silence, almost apologetically.

"Me, too," I assured him. "I guess it's the old romantic softie in me, but I want to see these two kids together."

"Al, what if we're here to keep them apart?" he questioned seriously.

I stared at him. "What makes you think that?"

"I didn't say I thought so, I said it's a possibility. Chrissy has a chance to get into a good school and do something with her life. I read her diary; she was planning on giving it up for him. He didn't like the idea of having a wife smarter than him, that kind of crap. Even if he'd agree, she was afraid the four year separation would kill the relationship."

"She's probably right."

Sam blinked at me. "If it's the real thing?"

"That's the romanticized way of looking at it, Sam. Unfortunately, even true love is subject to the stress of everyday life. A person can destroy anything, even that."

"It's comforting to know that I'm in love with someone who has such a cheerful prognosis on the subject," Sam said coolly. "'Course with your past record, I can see why."

I thought we were just bouncing ideas off each other like usual, but Sam had turned it around to make it personal. I sighed, cupping his chin to force him to look at me. "We're talking about _young_ love here. There is a thing called the test of time. I think we're way past that."

"Our friendship is," he stressed.

Leave it to Sam to find a problem where none existed. "It's not a whole new relationship we have, just a deepening of what we've always shared. You get to a point where the roots have grown too deep to pull out cleanly. Both parties have a vested interest in keeping the relationship alive, because at that point, destroying it would mean destroying themselves as well. I don't know about you...but I know _I'm_ in over my head."

Sam hugged me tightly. "How'd you get to be so smart on the subject?" he chided gently.

"I'm only speaking from the way I feel about you. You should know by now, you're my reason for waking up every morning."

His eyes met mine, glistening in the soft lights from above. I was lost in them, as they came closer. "Al...before anyone, and everything...is you."

I met him halfway, our lips clinging softly. It was as sweet as I'd remembered. I never knew a simple kiss to be so emotionally intense, filling an inner need so completely. The longer I spent close to him, the more it hit home how hung up on the guy I really was.

We parted reluctantly, while still able.

"Al," he began in a tone which said it was the last topic he wanted to discuss. "What if Chrissy and Allister did marry in the first timeline, but living the poor life tore them apart?"

I nodded, accepting the possibility. "I guess it isn't an easy decision without Ziggy to tell us the original outcome. I do know that sometimes we adults think we're doing the right thing, when we really should listen to our hearts. My father left to provide a better life for us. I would've rather we'd been a family together, no matter how poor we were."

"It's the quality, not the quantity," Sam added quietly. "Yeah, and I'd gladly spend the rest of my life living in an outhouse with you, if that's what it took, but it isn't our lives we're deciding."

"Thank you, that was touching, Sam," I said, teasing and earnest. He grinned at me. "What do your instincts say?" I had great faith in them, even if I did hate his always being right.

"That could be a problem." He shifted in my arms restlessly.

"Why?"

"All my instincts are saying is that I want to throw you down on a bed somewhere and rip your clothes off."

I was momentarily speechless but recovered swiftly. "That's not a problem for me." I dared press myself into the warm male body so plaint against mine. "We need to find time alone."

"I know." Sam sighed. "I'm grounded, though, so we'll have to be sneaky about it."

"They grounded Chrissy 'cause she wants to be with the man she loves, yet they let her go out to the dance with Mr. Rich College nozzle?! That's--that's--" I'd been where Allister was once was, and it burned me that people chose to rate a guy by how many advantages he had going for him, rather than what was inside. "I hope you're not thinking of fixing her up with him?" I couldn't help asking, even though I knew I was treading on dangerous ground. Sam had been responding to anger with defensiveness. And when Sam was hurt, more often than not he hit below the belt.

Sure enough, he pulled out of my arms. "You male chauvinists are all the same. Why does it have to be Allister or Ken? She doesn't need any man!"

"No," I agreed, yanking him back into my arms and thrusting our lower bodies together. "But you need a man," I purred. "Me."

A tremor ran through his frame and his expression changed. He got what I was beginning to recognize as his bedroom eyes, and I thought of what he'd said about throwing me down on a bed, not sure he wouldn't consider the dance floor as an acceptable alternative. I could see the restraint in him, and the hunger beneath.

My knowledge of him told me on some instinctive level the kind of lover he'd be, and a tremor echoed in me. "If we keep bouncing back and forth here, you're gonna have to put me in a straight jacket."

"I'll get Ken to take me home, then sneak out of the house."

I looked toward the table, knowing no matter how innocent, I couldn't bear observing them anymore. "I...I'm gonna split now, I need some air anyway. I'll see you later."

"Yes, you will," Sam gave me one quick kiss of promise, then tore himself out of my arms.

**SAM** :

When I returned to the table, Ken stood up and pulled out the chair for me. I sat down, feeling like a floozy. He was my date and I'd been out on the dance floor, practically having vertical sex with the wild boy in town.

A period of uncomfortable silence followed. I gulped down some punch to quench my dry throat, feeling like I was in the middle of the desert instead of Minnesota in October. I wondered if I'd discovered, in Al, the answer to the energy crisis. He had the ability to get me hot and bothered quicker than anyone I'd ever known. All I wanted to do was...

"I was watching you out there," Ken began hesitantly.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. "I know I came to the dance with you, and it wasn't right to desert you."

"That's not what I meant. I was just going to say I can tell the two of you are very much in love."

I stared at him. "It's that obvious?"

"Obvious isn't the word. Why didn't you come with him?"

 _I intend to, later..._ "My parents don't approve of him."

Ken nodded. "I should've known."

Bitterness crept unbidden into my voice. "He's not educated or wealthy, or living in the right neighborhood."

"I know how you feel. When I was in high school, my folks tried to dictate who I could date, they even tried to pick my friends for me. But you have to have the courage to stand your ground and live your own life. Even if you make mistakes, they'll be _your_ mistakes."

"Courage, standing your own ground...sounds like we're talking about resisting peer pressure. How come nobody says much about 'parent' pressure?"

"Father knows best,” Ken intoned.

"Hah! Little do they know, one day television is going to be filled with obnoxious little kids bossing around their parents. Come to think of it, maybe that's not such a bad idea after all."

"Parents are like anyone else, some good, some bad. After all, they didn't even have to pass a test to get the job. They mean well, most of the time."

I thought of a damaged little girl named Trudy and her sweet brother, alone. "Sometimes that's not enough."

"No," Ken agreed.

"The problem is that I have a promising future if I go to college. If I give it up, I may regret it."

"If he really loves you, he shouldn't make you chose between yourself and him."

"I wish life was that clear cut. I'm afraid I'll lose him. When you're this much in love with somebody, a casual 'well, it means he wasn't right for you anyway' doesn't cut it."

"Your problem is that because it's you, you're too deeply involved to see things objectively. You're getting bogged down in the emotions and making it more complicated than it is."

Ken had a good point. But then, getting overly involved usually helped the leaps. It seemed to work out well when I could directly relate to a situation. I knew what my heart was telling me, maybe I should follow it...

"I'll tell you one thing, you're way too intelligent to waste it by giving up on school," Ken stated firmly.

 _Then again..._ I knew what Al had meant, earlier. I was beginning to feel like a yo-yo. "I just don't know what the best thing to do is."

"I'm not saying you should break up with him. Talk about it. Make him understand how important this is to you. If you went to the State college, you could still see each other all the time. Nothing much would have to change."

"Why didn't I think of that?" _Maybe because I was thinking with my.._. Of course, I'd have to convince Allister, and he was thirty-six years in the future.

We talked for longer than I realized, but at least Ken had given me a better idea of where I stood. It helped to talk it out. It twinged a little that it hadn't been Al I'd discussed things with, but I admitted to myself that I wouldn't be thinking too clearly around him until our relationship was on more stable ground. Every time I closed my eyes, all I saw were enticing images of his naked body pressed against mine, hands and mouth conjuring up hitherto unimaginable ecstasy. I had to make those dreams reality soon...before I went out of my mind.

XXX

Ken drove me home and walked me to the door politely. He'd been so nice, I would have felt like a heel denying him a goodnight kiss. It was brief; he knew I was someone else's.

I stood on the porch and watched him drive away. There was no sign of Al, I wondered if he got tired of waiting and left. Whatever, I knew he was going to be pissed. Chrissy's parents didn't seem to be waiting up. Seemed like they trusted her...or, more likely, it was Ken they trusted. With good reason, he was about as far from wild as you could get.

I was standing on the steps, wondering if I should go looking for Al, when I heard the sound of a cleared throat. A moment later he stepped out of the shadows.

"You're almost as sneaky when you're not a hologram, aren't you?" I noted with amusement.

"I don't figure you," he began as I walked over. "Here all I can think about is being with you and you're running around carrying on like a cheap tramp."

My eyes widened in astonishment. "What are you--you can't think that I would--" I trailed off, speechless.

"I know how you are when those hormones of yours kick in."

I couldn't believe my ears. I knew my disappearing act might seem a little strange, but he was definitely blowing it out of proportion. "I thought you always claimed I was a boy scout?" I challenged.

"I lied."

"What??" Suddenly I felt like I was in the middle of a waking nightmare. "Why?"

"I figured there was a better chance of you behaving yourself. For Donna's sake."

I stood there, staring at him. Part of me knew he was right, the other part refused to face the confusing reality. After all the years of leaping, I didn't know who I was anymore.

"You were my mirror. I believed what you told me about myself!" I yelled, reeling with the unwanted knowledge.

"Most guys would be grateful that their buddy protected their marriage," Al commented, almost casually.

"Tell me it's not true," I begged.

"Come off it, Sam. You're just as guilty as me, you'd do the same for me. Besides, you've known who the real Sam Beckett is for a long time now, though you preferred to hide behind the image I created for you. You insisted on saving Donna from her father's hurt so that you could walk out on her yourself -- twice! Did you ever think of that?" he demanded.

I shook my head numbly.

"I felt sorry for her, especially since the second time was because of me." His voice wavered as if he almost lost his angry momentum, then continued strong. "Even before you started leaping, you were hardly ever there for her. Quantum Leap came first. Always -- and don't give me that stricken look, 'cause I know damned well you remember."

I turned my head away, trying to block out the words.

"I needn't have felt hurt in the first timeline, when you didn't bother letting me in on the crazy stunt you pulled, you showed just as little concern for the wife you were so anxious to get. She deserved better, and I'm surprised she didn't walk out long before now." He shook his head, giving me a look of love that was in direct opposition to his words. "That's the danger of you, you snare us in that seductive web of yours and it's near impossible to break free. At your mercy. Luckily Donna's still young, and stronger than I am at this stage of my life."

"But I--"

"I know you tried to make it up to her, but the truth still eluded you, it should have been done not by changing the deed itself. It should have been done by changing the behavior. You wanted the easy way out."

Al was winding down, I noted distantly, my mind in a whirlwind.

A tremor had found its way into his voice now. "Well, you're not gonna get any easy way out with me." His tone was shaky and menacing at once. "You're mine. Don't you ever walk out on me again! I'll let you think about it. When you're ready, I'll be here." He strode away.

The squeal of tires was what finally brought me out of the trance I was in. Not knowing what else to do, I went inside and changed into a more comfortable outfit of jeans and a sweater. I sat on Chrissy's lace comforter, clutching her stuffed lamb and feeling sick.

I was hurt, mostly with myself. Maybe it was time I stopped using _I didn't mean to_ as an excuse for not taking responsibility for my actions. Al wanted to know that I wasn't going to make the same mistakes again. I couldn't blame him for that. Actually, I could worry the same way about him, before tonight's speech, that is. He'd made his intentions pretty obvious. _You're mine..._ I shivered a little as I thought about the truth of his statement. Despite his past mistakes, in all the years we'd been friends, he'd never given me reason to doubt his commitment to me.

 _Leader of the Pack_ floated sadly through the room. I'd heard it often during this leap and always thought of Al, and Allister and his friends.

Past mistakes didn't mean people couldn't change, if they were basically good inside. Hell, the other witnesses of Al's long ago battle with the vending machine (hammer instead of sword) would have written him off. Neither of us was perfect, but together we were learning, growing. Getting in touch with that inner goodness. Yes, we were both as guilty, and as innocent, in our own ways.

Al had hit a nerve tonight; down deep I felt guilty for something I still hadn't the guts to face him with. And my motives were much less noble than his. Who was I to get angry with him?

The last tragic verse of the song insinuated itself into my thoughts. Suddenly the vision of Al peeling out from the curb in anger and pain was all I saw. It was probably stupid...but filled with something close to desperate panic, I ran downstairs. I grabbed the car keys from their place on the table, and flew out the door.

XXX

I knew the way to Allister's house; one of the very first things I did was look up his address in Chrissy's book and on the map. My eyes darted between the road and the ditch, praying I'd see no accidents, hoping he'd gone home rather than out somewhere. I wished we hadn't argued, that...I wasn't letting my imagination run away with me. I knew I was being silly, but I couldn't shake the feeling, and that scared me more than anything else. It was guilty conscience, no doubt, but...he was making me crazy!

To my great relief, the car was parked safely at the curb in front of the Conway house. Al was leaning against it, smoking. Part of me wanted to chicken out and keep driving past, but I knew he'd seen me. I pulled up behind his car and got out.

Al tossed the cigarette away as I approached, but gave no indication that he noticed me.

I meant to walk up and stop in front of him, but somehow kept moving, stopping only when his body against mine prevented any further forward motion. "I'm sorry," I whispered.

Al glanced away and I couldn't read his face in the shadows. Still, I drank in the sight of him, this man who'd been my inspiration, my rock for all those years. Suddenly a mysterious stranger, one I hungered to get to know intimately.

"Al??" I said fearfully, uncertain of forgiveness.

He seemed to flinch. Finally he looked at me and shrugged. He put his arms around my neck. My arms instinctively went around his waist and somehow, the next thing I knew we were kissing ardently.

Several wonderful minutes went by, as I let the sensations take possession of me. After all those years as just friends, having him in my arms as a lover blew my mind. My head spun as our tongues met and caressed. I longed to feel his mouth everywhere else.

"Al..." I moaned into his mouth, pleasure centering in my groin.

He pulled away slightly, our lower halves still glued together. He glanced up the street. "Let's go inside."

Once in the house, he closed the door and reached for the light switch. I didn't give him a chance, I reached for him. After a few heated moments, I drew back a centimeter. "It wasn't just me I stepped into the Accelerator for. It was _us_ , our dream. You and me, always..."

"I know. I -- shouldn't have said those things. I was angry--"

"Jealous," I countered, smiling into the darkness.

"Okay, so I'm having some trouble dealing with this leap. It's just..." he trailed off.

"There's no leap here," I told him, "there's just you and me." I unzipped my jeans, took his hand and placed it inside.

The hand squeezed gently, of its own volition, and I responded by pushing against it.

I heard Al's intake of breath. "I -- oh my god..."

"Project Quantum Leap isn't my life anymore, Al. You are. Forever," I vowed.

He took my hand, leading me into the bedroom. As we passed the radio he flipped it on and soft melodious tones filled the room, enveloping us. The neon sign across the street provided a red glow, flashing across our skin as we silently took off each other's shirts.

"Where's Allister's parents?" I asked.

"Father, who knows. Mother at her sister's for a couple of days."

"Hallelujah," was my heartfelt response. The pulse of the music was irresistible, calling to the beat of my heart. I couldn't resist pulling Al to me, swaying us seductively to the song.

Somebody named Nancy dedicated _Soldier Boy_ to her boyfriend Jim. It reminded me of Beth, and how Al had been hurt. Also of wounds it caused in me as well, undiscovered until now. I'd been more than angry with Al for what he pulled during that leap. I was...jealous. For the first time, it seemed somebody else came first other than me. For once I wasn't the center of his attention and I couldn't handle it. And oh god, I'd wanted it to be me. I told him I didn't think it was meant to be between him and Beth, as a part of me whispered, _you're still mine_ , triumphantly. It was a judgment call, but unlike Al during the leap with Donna, I had the ability to enforce my opinion.

"I would have waited for you, Al...you know that, don't you?" I begged. His arms tightened, telling me that he understood and I'd moved him. It wasn't enough. Something in me was desperate he realize. "I'd never give up on you. _Never_. Just like you've waited for me these past four years..." _Tell me you love me more than her_ , that inner voice pleaded silently.

I was taken in a passionate kiss. Passion and tenderness seemed to go hand in hand for us. Al broke the kiss, reaching up to cup my face with one gentle palm. The love I saw in his expression brought tears to my eyes as if they'd been there waiting for a reason. Every time we turned around there was a new revelation; issues so long hidden under a cover of friendship were pouring out like a dam, bursting.

"God, Sam, you are the most beautiful thing that ever came into my life. You're my sun...my fire, too."

"Is that why it's so warm in here?" I asked breathlessly, as he kissed me again.

"Lover, if we could harness the heat pouring off your body, we could shut down every nuclear plant in the country."

"I know how to do that. It just needs a catalyst." I rubbed my crotch against his for emphasis. We rocked together, enjoying the sensations caused by our movements. "I like dancing with you." Even though it was a stretch to call what we were doing dancing.

"That's cause I'm such a fantastic dancer."

"What else are you fantastic at?" I asked in a shaky voice.

Al slid his hands down inside my open pants, cupping my ass and pulling me into him. I moaned, knees almost giving out. His body helped keep mine upright as flares of pleasure went off inside me.

He grabbed a hold of the jeans on both sides, sliding down with them. When I'd stepped out of them, he rose up the same way, one long body-to-body stroke.

"Al please...touch me!" Overload. My lust short-circuited my brain, the reality of his body and mine too strong to handle. The feel of him in my arms, weight, living warmth, was like a heady wine. And I, like someone who'd never had a drop of liquor, was gloriously drunk. The room spun...

**AL** :

If we wanted our time together to be a slow wondrous exploration, we weren't doing a very good job. The new sensations between us were rapidly taking control, running rampant, allowing no restraint or hesitation. Sam's body shook with fevered passion that I wanted not to harness, but to unleash on myself. The hot mouth which moments ago claimed mine left to make its way down my neck and shoulder, searing me with fire as it traveled.

My hands and mouth did their own reconnaissance. Palms ran over his chest and belly, unable to get enough of the solid form beneath my hands.

I pushed him, he pulled me, and we ended up on the bed together. Our bodies rocked and pressed and moved against each other in a desperate attempt to get closer than physical laws would allow. There was no more space; time didn't exist.

Eyes fiery with lust burned into my soul, then his tongue took possession of my mouth with a zealousness that left me gasping for air. He was nature at its most powerful moment. There was something almost pure in the way he gave himself up totally to primitive instincts and drives.

It was frighteningly compelling to realize that all my sexual exploits hadn't prepared me for Sam, or the violent responses he wrung out of me. I couldn't have stopped what was happening between us if I'd wanted to. Where Sam as concerned I had no will, was completely under his body's command.

Our rhythm increased and we reached at the same time, sharing the task of bringing our cocks together in vigorous friction. The pleasure was too intense to prolong. He whimpered, then cried out my name. The feel of his body in release, responding to mine...and the wetness that branded our flesh was the final push needed to turn my mind inside out. Semen sealed our bodies.

We took a moment to stabilize heart-rate and breathing, just hanging on.

Our eyes met first, then our lips. We touched each other wonderingly now that some of the urgency had passed. My fingers traced through the wetness from us both on his stomach, then twined stickily with his.

Sam smiled tenderly. Bringing our joined hands to his mouth, he licked my fingers clean. The hand he held shook slightly, but I didn't care. I closed my eyes and tried to pull him even closer, content as I'd never been in my life.

"Al..."

"Yes," I agreed.

"Oh God, Al..." His voice broke with emotion. That was okay, I knew exactly how he felt.

Besides, I loved hearing him say my name. He'd always had his own unique way of saying it. The love, trust and need he put into those two letters filled me with a joy I couldn't describe. Also, the desire to wrap him up in my love and never let go. Knowing I was special to Sam was my highest honor. I'd trade all my medals in a minute, to hear him say my name like that just once.

"Sam, turn off my mind, will ya?"

"Why?" he asked, fingers teasing my collarbone.

"It's thinking all sorts of disgustingly mushy stuff."

He nestled into my shoulder. "So instead of thinking it, tell me."

"You're a brave man."

Sam laughed, nuzzling my neck. "I'm brave because I have your love," he intoned solemnly.

"I almost can't believe that this is real...that you're for real." I ran my hand up and down his side. You'd think neither of us had ever touched another human being before.

"Reality is a state of mind," Sam mumbled into my neck.

"Then I guess you're my reality, 'cause there isn't much else up here these days," I pointed to my temple. He kissed the spot, eyes dancing with smug pleasure. "You're a spoiled brat too, cutie," I reminded him.

"I love it when you spoil me," he admitted, kissing my neck again.

"Do you have a neck fetish?" I asked teasingly.

"I have a myriad of fetishes," he told me. "You haven't begun to tap the number of them." He licked my ear, making me squirm with pleasure. "There's my ear fetish," teeth nipped my throat, "and neck fetish, and nipple fetish..." I arched up, groaning, as the tip of his tongue teased briefly. "As a matter of fact," he slipped a leg over my body, straddling me, "You could just say I have an Al fetish."

I ran my palms up his muscular thighs, thrilled by the little tremors I caused. "Did anyone ever tell you, you have a fantastic body?"

"Yours is the only opinion that matters." He bent over to place kisses on my chest, working his way down. His tongue played with my navel, then began a wet path downward...

I reached out a hand to still him. His intentions were clear and there was a question that had to be asked first. "Have you ever...done this before?"

His head snapped up, eyes wide, and I knew -- too late -- I'd made a grave mistake. Once again I'd spoiled a perfect moment between us. If I could've reached, I would have kicked myself in the ass.

I might as well have dropped a bucket of ice water over Sam. He moved to the other side of the bed away from me, hugging his drawn up knees in his classic self-protective position.

"Sam--" I sat up, trying to appease him.

"With which one of the hundreds of men I've been with?" he asked in a flat tone.

I rubbed the shoulder nearest me, feeling the tension there. "I didn't mean it that way!"

"I'm the sleaze with the over-active hormones, aren't I?"

"Sam, you don't need me to define you. You know who and what you are. I only asked because, well, if you've never given head before, we should take it slow and easy, y'know?" I stressed, trying to get through to him. He didn't answer. I was tired of dancing around, angry and determined to once and for all talk out whatever problem he had.

I took a wild stab in the dark. "I can't pretend you haven't been with a man before, I know different."

Sam's eyes turned to me, something close to panic in them. Bingo. "What did you see?"

I looked down at the rumpled blanket. I didn't particularly want to get into it, but had no choice. "I kinda thought you might've guessed, when I said I knew you loved the Master."

Sam didn't say anything to that, forcing me to continue.

"I was there when you told him he was going to die, saw you kissing. I left right away," I added, not wanting him to think I'd been spying on something like that. The look on his face said it wasn't much consolation. He looked terrified.

"You gotta know he was a substitute for you!" Sam blurted vehemently. "It was you I wanted! Al..." He was becoming more distraught.

I took both shoulders in my hands. "I know. Shh...I know he was, Sam." I sensed he didn't know whether to believe me or not, so I went on. "I saw the resemblance between us. At the time, I figured, maybe you didn't realize it yourself, at least not consciously."

"Well, I did. From the moment I laid eyes on him."

"Well, okay."

"Just because I -- doesn't mean I'm suddenly an expert."

"I didn't say you were," I reminded him.

"I couldn't help...I wanted it to be _you_." His voice broke.

Something in his tone set off my Sam alarm. There was more and I knew instinctively I didn't want to hear it, deal with it. His excessively guilty behavior only made sense if... "Sam, tell me the rest of it."

He was silent so long I didn't know if he'd answer.

"He fucked me," Sam finally said in a voice devoid of emotion. "I pretended it was you, and I let him."

Although I knew a response was necessary, I was too stunned to come up with any. There was too much going on inside to pull anything coherent out. I was hurting too, for both of us.

I guessed he took my silence for condemnation, because he bolted off the bed, grabbing his clothes on his way to the door.

That overcame my paralysis. I jumped up and physically stopped his exit. "Where do you think you're going?"

"I don't know," he admitted, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Then stay with me, where you belong."

Sam let me manhandle him back to the bed. "I didn't know if you'd be able to handle it," he said quietly.

"Then you don't know me very well."

"It should've been you..." he half-sobbed.

"Yeah," I admitted. "But that wasn't possible, under the circumstances." Part of me was able to rejoice my regained insight. I was back on track again, reading him with the skill I'd worried was lost. Feeling guilty about his doozy of a secret, he was pushing me to punish him, wanting me to get angry because he felt he deserved it.

He sat silent under my scrutiny.

"You're the one's always telling me everything happens for a reason. Maybe we both needed something to open our eyes wide. We might not be together now if it weren't for him. I'm not going to let any old fashioned hang-ups screw up what we've found together."

"It does bother you," Sam pinned me with a look which dared me to deny what he knew to be true.

I just pulled him into my arms. "It doesn't change my love for you. Haven't you been listening? If my whole miserable life was payment in advance for you, I'd do it all over again if necessary. This is a piece of cake."

He wasn't quite ready to give up the ghost yet. "But you have every right to be pissed at me for keeping it from you, after all the self-righteousness I pulled with you about honesty."

"Think of it like the laws of Karma. Okay, you've taken responsibility for it, now let it go. It can only come between us if we want it to. We don't, do we?"

"I don't want anything to ever come between us," Sam vowed imploringly.

"Me either. Including space -- come over here."

He did, and there was no more space.

**SAM** :

I obeyed Al's command happily, sighing as his arms went around me again. Here I was, being given the opportunity to spend precious time with him, in the wonderfully overheated flesh, and I was trying my best to ruin it. Thank God one of us had more brains than that. Maybe he was right, maybe I was going too fast. I decided to take things as slow as I could manage.

I put all thoughts out of my mind and concentrated on the man in my embrace. I took his mouth in a deep kiss, sticking my tongue as far down his throat as I could until we had to break apart to gasp for breath. I grabbed frantically, all my feeling for him over the years coalescing into an almost painful need to mate with him. If I could have melded my flesh into his, it wouldn't have been enough to do my passion justice,

I needed him desperately. All I could do was trade honeyed kisses and fevered caresses, until I began to wonder if I'd die of the intense pleasure.

"Al..." I twined my legs with his to heighten the pleasure, groaning as a wet mouth played almost teasingly at my neck. His hands stroked my cock, bringing tears of joy to my eyes. There was nothing in the world but Al's body, straining against mine for completion,

I felt the yell building until I could stand it no longer. It was forced out of my throat, taking my breath with it.

Then, silence.

XXX

After an appropriate time in the afterglow, we got hungry for something besides each other. I tore myself from Al's side and we prowled the kitchen in our birthday suits, looking for snacks. We were careful to minimize the space between us. If we had to go without contact again, we were going to stock up while we could.

Me, I was about as high as a person could get. Al loved me...more amazingly, Al _wanted_ me. All the various miracles he pulled off for me were nothing compared to this one. I had the best; surely the whole universe was in bitter envy of me.

"Hey -- Jiffy Pop!" I crowed excitedly, pulling the silver pan out of the closet. "I haven't seen this since--"

"Microwaves were invented," Al supplied, smirking.

"I'll have you know, they make Jiffy Pop for microwaves, too."

"Sam Beckett, microwave expert. I'm surprised you didn't invent them yourself." He pulled me into the living room.

We settled ourselves on the couch to watch television. Al grabbed a bottle of disgustingly cheap wine to wash down the popcorn.

I wrapped as much of myself around him as I could manage. By unspoken agreement, we avoided talking about the leap, making this our time. The close physical companionship felt wonderful.

For a awhile there was munching, swallowing and the sound of the TV. Then during a commercial, Al reached over and kissed my cheek.

"What are you doing?" I teased.

"If you don't know..."

"You must not be doing it right," I finished for him, offering my lips.

He smiled when we drew apart. "Jiffy Pop, Wild Irish Rose and you. The best life has to offer."

"If the wine were Moet, the popcorn Beluga, you'd still be you," I told him, snuggling closer. Cheap wine... it triggered something in me, another memory came floating slowly to the surface. I regarded Al with knit brows, trying to bring it into closer focus.

"What is it, babe?" he questioned.

"I... just got another memory back. It happens sometimes, something brings it all back as if it was yesterday,"

"Do I want to know?"

I smiled, hesitating. "It was early in our friendship," I began. "You'd really gotten sloshed on cheap wine. You were ranting and raving, trying to convince us both you were just angry. But I knew better. I had to practically tie you down to keep you from getting behind the wheel in that condition. I held you and you cried in my arms," my voice shook.

"That's all in the past now," Al answered quietly.

"I know. But it was the first time you showed me a part of yourself you kept hidden, let me break down your defenses--"

"You've broken 'em down, torn 'em apart, stepped on them, mangled them, exorcised them -- and you're damned smug about it, too. You've done things with me, and _to_ me, that no one was ever able to, and my goose is cooked good -- so quit fishing for compliments and watch TV."

"Yes, boss." I propped myself on the other end of the couch, putting my feet in his lap. Unable to resist, I idly teased his cock with a toe.

"Cut it out," he squirmed.

"Could be worse," I commented. "I could have long--sharp--toenails," I continued my activity as I spoke.

"This fascination, you'd think you never had one of your own."

"Just another one of my fetishes," I told him mildly.

He tickled the bottom of my foot, succeeding in making me yank my feet away.

"I'm ticklish!" I exclaimed. In answer, he smiled the most devilish smile I'd ever seen on him and nodded. "Al--" I put my hands out in front of me to ward off any attack. "Don't you dare!"

"You gonna behave yourself?" he asked.

I nodded, moving closer to rest my hand on his shoulder as proof. "Don't I always?"

"Hah!" His snort of amusement was total.

I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, I was awakened by gentle lips over my cheek, eyes and lips. "Mmm... " I moaned approvingly, opening my eyes slowly.

"It's late, sweetie," Al whispered.

His meaning sunk in and I was wide awake, staring at a face which mirrored my regret.

"If we screw things up now, it'll be even tougher later on."

He was right and I hated him for it.

I don't know how, but twenty minutes later I was actually on my way home.

**end part one**


	2. Chapter 2

**SAM** :

'Chrissy' was disappointed, and I was showing it by being as unpleasant to those around me as I could. I hadn't gotten caught for sneaking to Al's the previous night and had been planning on finding a way to spend the day with him. Instead, I was rudely pulled from bed at the ungodly hour of noon, so that Mom and I could go to Aunt Betty's for the day. There I had to endure conversations I floundered in and equally uncomfortable perusals of various college catalogs.

Back home again, things went from bad to worse. I found out I had a sleep-over with Chrissy's girlfriend Sandy. Since my date with Ken was such a success, once again I was being allowed to go ahead with previous plans. If the Becketts had believed in such 'harsh' punishment, I would have had it...made, that is.

I managed to get a call out to Al, telling him of our problem. He didn't sound all that disappointed, after the initial let-down. By the end of our brief conversation I got the feeling he had something on that sneaky little mind of his. I decided to wait and see. Knowing Al, it would be good.

In the meantime, I had a sleep-over to contend with. I found myself in light blue baby doll pajamas, painting my nails and gossiping about the other schoolgirls. Tammy was caught smoking in the girl's room. Jan was cheating on her boyfriend with the captain of the football team. And so on. An interesting ritual that's survived to my day. All in all, though, I'd guessed this rite of female bonding was more intelligent than the way we males did it...going out drinking and talking dirty.

We lounged on the bed, talk turning to the inevitable subject of which I wasn't an expert yet...boys.

"So, what's Allister like in bed?" Sandy asked conversationally.

"Sandy!" So much for a difference in bonding methods. And I wondered, why was it we tended to think of any year prior to the hippie movement as innocent?

"Okay, Miss Girl-Scout, let me rephrase that. What's it like being in love?" There was sincerity in her voice. It was a mystery she hadn't glimpsed for herself yet and as such, obsessively fascinating.

"Well..." I considered my response. "He's inside of me all the time. In my heart and head, dominating my thoughts. Nothing else, just him." In a clear moment of insight, I knew could no more tear Chrissy and Allister apart than Al and me. I knew the pain it could cause both of them. Somehow, we had to keep them together. In my heart, with all my instincts, I knew it was right.

"It's important that he believes in me. He could destroy me with a word, but I trust him with my life."

"Sounds scary to me," she commented.

I smiled. "Sometimes it is."

There was a sudden sound over by the window, like something hitting the glass. We paused, listening. It came again. With a glance at Sandy, I went to check. I had a suspicion...

I looked out, grin spreading over my face. Al was on the ground below, throwing small stones up against the pane. I opened the window. "What are you doing?" I asked happily.

"C'mon out and play," he coaxed in a little boy voice, delighting me.

"I'll get in trouble with my parents," I said in a loud whisper, playing along. I almost felt like the giddy teenage girl I was supposed to be, but too good to worry about it.

"Go ahead," Sandy urged. "I'll cover for you somehow, if I have to."

"Thanks." I climbed out onto the trellis, hoping it was strong enough to hold my weight.

"I'll break your fall," Al encouraged. "Don't worry."

Going down was slow, but at least it held. I was thankful it wasn't winter yet; the cold wind would have been murder up the PJ's.

When I reached the ground, I didn't get a chance to turn. A pair of arms came around me from behind, as a pliant body pressed the length of my back.

Warm lips nuzzled my shoulder. "Did anybody ever tell you, you look awfully sexy climbing down a trellis in power blue?"

"Yeah, you." I could feel the hardness pressing against my ass and pushed back into it gratefully. I whimpered as one of my nipples was pinched. A hand slid lower to massage me through the panties and the whimper turned into a groan.

"You walk around looking like that, a man's not responsible for his actions," Al explained, rubbing himself against me.

The sensations from front and back were combining deliciously. "Please..." I rasped, covering his hand with my own to create more stimulation.

"This is what you wanted." It was a question and a statement at the same time.

I shook with expectation, managing a nod.

Al pulled me to a pile of leaves in the shadow of the house and turned me to face him. I was stripped of will, at his mercy... and loving it.

"Take them off," he ordered.

I got out of the pajamas in record time, eyes never leaving his. They were dark in the faint moonlight, mysterious. They seemed to glow from within. The air was charged with electricity as if the energy generated between us was radiating outward. I felt more alive and aware than I'd ever been in my life. Real and present.

When I was naked, our combined shaking hands disposed of his clothes. After adding them to my pile, he grabbed my face between his hands and kissed me.

His eyes looked into my soul. "This is me, and I love you. Love and lust, not anger and pain." His tongue took possession of my mouth in promise of sweet things to come.

When his voice or a look alone could get me hard, I knew this wonderful torture would soon have me crying for more. He broke our kiss and moved around behind me in the same position as before, hands roaming over my chest and genitals.

In a perfectly synchronized move, I went down to my knees, Al right with me. My heartbeat pounded in my ears and I held my breath in anticipation. I was rewarded shortly, as a lubricated hand massaged my ass, fingers coaxing their way inside.

I pushed back against them, begging for more. I needed it,now, had to make him see how much. "God, Al, I want all of you!" I gasped.

When I felt his cock making its first tentative entrance, I almost shouted in joy. I bucked back against him. It forced him deeper inside of me and erased any fearful restraint he was feeling. He let loose.

"Yes..." I managed to breath encouragement before speech turned to harsh groans of pleasure. Something in me let loose, too. My mind exploded, sending bright flashes before my sightless eyes. He'd ask me later if there was any pain, but it would be like asking if there was pleasure; they were one and the same. Each a part of the other, making the pleasure that much sharper. I welcomed it all,

"Harder...fuck me," I begged, words escaping an unguarded exit. My body had a will of its own and it was demanding Al's possession.

He obeyed, sending me into another dimension with each powerful thrust. I bucked backward to meet him until I came, seeing stars. Every one of then named Megrez -- always. I bit my lip to stifle a yell which would have undoubtedly woken all of Duluth, tasting blood.

Strength failed me and, no longer able to stay on my knees, the leaves welcomed me. As the shudders of my orgasm lingered, I concentrated on the feel of him deep inside of me. Owning me. I knew he always had. I'd just been waiting all that time, for him to claim what he owned.

The world did another smaller flip when he came with one last deep stroke, leaving yet another part of himself in me. I felt complete. I could sense the tension in him from the restraint required to be silent, as I felt teeth on my shoulder.

Al pulled out of me, but a warm presence remained, that I hoped would always be there to remind me of what we had shared. A feeling of us, at last completing the final merging, joined on all levels. He lived inside of me in every way.

Al pulled me close, gazing into my eyes. His were slightly dazed, which I understood perfectly. "Okay?" he whispered.

I shook my head, smiling when his expression turned wary. "Perfect," I assured him, earning a relieved smile.

In my entire life, I never felt as much a part of anyone as I did Al. Maybe it was to be expected, considering all our bizarre circumstances, but I knew I'd felt the same way even before I started leaping. Nothing could take away from the knowledge which lived in joy inside of me. In this world, Al was the only one for me.

"I'm yours, Al," I vowed softly.

"Oh, Sam..."

We embarked on a journey filled with a flurry of tender roving kisses. I closed my eyes and images unfolded inside my head like a movie reel. There had been wisps of memory in the past months, teasing on the edge of sight, but I was unable to grab onto them until this night. Now, they were as vivid as if they'd always been there. It had seemed like a dream the next day, fading as the hours wore on until it went into hiding and I was sure it had been just a dream.

I now knew, it wasn't any dream.

It was real.

"Al--"

"Hmm?" he mumbled, concentration on kissing various parts of me.

I gently cupped his chin and brought his face up to meet mine. So, he kissed my mouth. When it was free, I tried again. "Al, did you ever dream about us, like this?"

That got his attention. He regarded me intently. "Funny you should ask that now. I didn't remember until tonight, but there was one once. Strange, I'd gone into the Project late one night, to find you with Ziggy..."

My heart skipped a beat. "We went into the office and you made me lie down on the couch. We talked, you said you'd do anything for me--"

"You asked me to make love to you..."

I nodded. "It wasn't a dream, Al. It happened. And you were my first..."

Al kissed me quickly. "You're really hung up on that first time stuff, aren't you?" he asked when he let me go.

Even with the words, I could tell he was pleased with the discovery too. I shrugged. "It felt...wrong before. It just seemed like this is the way it was meant to be."

Al started dressing, giving me his jacket to put on. Now that the heat of passion had died down, the night air was chilly. I accepted it gratefully.

"Al?"

"Yeah?" he asked, settling us close again.

"The night we were together. You didn't mention that I had a wife at home." He stiffened. I held him tighter, hoping to convey my feelings.

"I wasn't thinking very clearly..." he mumbled.

"I think you were thinking more clearly than at any other time in your life...until now."

Al sighed. "Would it have made a difference to you if you'd known?"

I could tell he was trying hard to pretend my answer didn't concern him. "No." I shook my head. "It was you I wanted. You're all I had of my life to hold onto, then you became all I wanted to hold onto. We're so much a part of each other now..."

Al grabbed me in a fierce kiss which took me by pleasant surprise, then released me. "I couldn't give up that chance to have just one night with you. I think," he confessed in a rough voice, "for that, I would've traded anything."

"Me too," I whispered. I pulled the jacket tighter around me and we held each other close. I almost felt like Chrissy, secure, wearing her man's clothes. There was an intimacy about it I found very pleasant.

Something I'd gotten used to over the leaps was my odd bond with those I replaced, making me feel at times like I wasn't just me. With Al there, it was even stranger. Not that it really bothered me; out of the two of us it was Al who was having more problems dealing with it...that train of thought brought my mind guiltily back to Allister and Chrissy.

"We have to talk about the leap," I told Al.

"I'm all ears," he said, so I kissed one.

"I realized tonight, Chrissy and Alley have to stay together."

"You just figured out what I knew all along?" he commended mildly. "Congratulations."

"Oh yeah, Einstein? So tell me how we accomplish that feat, ye who knows all?"

"Don't insult me Sam. You're Einstein, I'm Pythagoras. We gotta keep 'em together, but in a situation that won't just tear them apart after a few bleak years."

"Ken suggested she go to college right here in Duluth. It would be a good idea, if we could find a way to get Allister to accept it."

"Give him what he wants," Al said.

"What?"

"A better life, so he can give Chrissy the kind of life he feels she deserves. He needs to go back to school, get a better job."

"School...yeah. And if they need help, her parents will just have to be convinced. Al?"

"Yeah, Sam?" he said, amusement thick in his voice.

"Why didn't I think of that?"

"Maybe if you'd been thinking with your brain, instead of--"

I covered the rest of his response with my mouth.

"--see what I mean?!" he said, when he was finally able.

XXX

The next day we went to take a firm stance with the parents. I marched Al right into their pristine sitting room, intending to make them listen. Chrissy wasn't giving up on school, or Allister.

Elsie looked up from her sewing as we walked in, eyes widening when she saw Al. "What's the meaning of this?" she demanded.

"Where's Dad?" I countered.

"Out picking up a newspaper."

"We'll wait," I told her. "I want to talk to both of you."

"You've gotten an awful lot of nerve lately, young lady." She eyed Al with obvious distaste. "If I were you, Mr. Conway, I'd be gone before my husband sees you here."

"Mother please, just hear us out," I begged.

"Hear you out? You think there's something new you can tell me that I don't already know?"

I shook my head. "No, I suppose not. I don't know why I thought love might mean anything to you," I snapped.

"Chrissy." Al shook his head slightly and squeezed my hand.

"Love doesn't put food on the table," Elsie remarked.

"Mrs. Cambridge, I want you to know that I love Chrissy with all my heart. Okay, it's true I wasn't lucky enough to be born into a rich family. But I'm a hard worker. I want to go back to school, get an education so I can give her a good life."

"You think I haven't heard promises like that before?" she said.

"This is more than a promise," Al vowed. "In fact, if you found someone that could make her happier -- who'd love her more than me -- I'd turn her over with my blessing. That's how sure I am of what I feel. But I can't make it without her to believe in me."

Having Al there was a benefit, he hadn't made it to admiral without learning how to deal with difficult people. He had a presence about him that was hard to ignore, and I had a feeling it shone through the aura like a beacon. He told his side of the story with sincerity, and enough personal truth to bring tears to my eyes, as I stood at his side, holding onto his hand.

"You're full of romantic notions, aren't you?" Elsie commented.

Somehow, we had to get through to her. I knelt beside her chair. "Why can't I make you understand that I can't live without him?"

"I thought that too, once." She looked away.

I had a feeling we were missing something, and it could just be the key. "What do you mean? Tell me the truth!"

At first I didn't think she was going to answer. When she did speak, her voice was flat. "You mustn't marry out of your class." Al and I exchanged glances. "That's what daddy always told me." She brushed my hair back, looking into my eyes. "I guess you have a right to know, you're old enough. Maybe it will convince you."

"What?" I prompted.

"We lived in Minneapolis, Father came from a long line of shipping magnates. I had everything a girl could possibly want."

"Except love?" I guessed.

She smiled sadly, her mind far away. "I met him in the park. He had the bluest eyes. He smiled at me and our eyes met...he named a flower for me, because he said he couldn't pick something of such beauty. I thought it was the most romantic thing I'd ever heard."

More of the puzzle was filling in. I had a feeling she wasn't talking about Meridith.

Her next words confirmed my suspicions. "His name was Raymond Gallow. He was a jazz musician, he played the local clubs with his band. We thought our love could conquer all. It didn't conquer Father, when he found out, he forbade me to see him..." She faltered and I touched her hand. "So I got pregnant with you. Father kicked me out of the house, but I didn't care, I moved into Ray's apartment. By the time you were born, Ray decided the real world was dull. He left for the East Coast. If it weren't for Meridith taking us in..."

It had been a hard truth for her to speak. I sat beside her on the couch, putting a comforting arm around her shoulders. Al moved to sit next to me.

"Don't assume Al is going to be like Ray. Give him a chance, like Meridith gave you. Because if you make me choose between Al and my family, I know what my choice will be."

"Then you'll be making the same mistake I did," she insisted, tears in her eyes. "Do you know the worst part? Father died without ever speaking to me again!"

"If they had loved you enough to let you make your own choice, and stayed by you when you were wrong... that's what family is about."

"If I'd had my family..." she insisted.

"Don't let history be repeated -- talk to Dad," I pleaded.

"We only want to protect you."

"Then be here for me. I'm not going to give up on school, I promise. And I'm staying right here in Duluth. Give Al, give us both the chance to prove ourselves. Talk to Dad. If you don't, you'll only succeed in losing a daughter." I waited with baited breath.

"You'll do it anyway..." mom mumbled to herself. She dabbed at her eyes with a tissue and took a deep breath. "You're as stubborn as I was."

"I love him," I said with all the feeling I could put into it.

She patted my cheek. "I can see that."

"Please..."

"...Maybe I can convince your father to spend some time with Allister, get to know him."

"I want you both to get to know me," Al added. "Then maybe you'll see for yourself how sincere I am."

"I'm not making any promises," Elsie warned. "But I'll talk to him," she finished in a low voice.

I hugged her enthusiastically. "Thanks, mom."

"I love you, Chrissy," she said, hugging back. "I'll never desert you."

"I love you too, Mom,"

"Thank you," Al said simply, giving her a kiss on the cheek as he rose.

XXX

After our talk, Al and I went off to spend the day together, leaving Elsie to talk with Meridith. Al was all excited about a movie he'd noticed was playing, insisted on dragging me to see it. I had a feeling he just wanted to be able to neck with me in the back row.

The movie turned out to be _Goodbye Charlie_. It was about a womanizing man who got killed by a jealous husband. I teased Al that it could have been him.

After his death, Charlie was almost immediately reincarnated as a woman. Being Swiss-cheesed, it took him awhile to realize who he was. His best friend kept finding himself sexually attracted to him. If it wasn't obvious before why Al had insisted we go, that part brought back plenty of memories of a similar situation we'd been in.

I took him into the back row...and we necked and it was great.

**AL** :

When I saw the ad for _Goodbye Charlie_ , I remembered it. It never got very good reviews, but it was especially amusing for us. We settled ourselves in the corner of the back row. Sam seemed to be enjoying himself, at least, he had enough witty comments about what was taking place on the screen.

Eventually, things were taking place elsewhere. I felt stray fingers wandering across my leg. I let them, to see where they'd end up. They found my crotch, seemingly content to dally awhile.

The fingers got bolder, massaging with more pressure. I hissed in a breath and opened my mouth to give warning.

Then I heard the unmistakable sound of a zipper opening.

"What are you--" I began as warm fingers insinuated themselves between the folds of my briefs. I'd expected some kissing...I was beginning to wonder if I'd underestimated Sam again.

I welcomed the lips at my neck, turning my head to bring our mouths together. All the while his hand did its magic conjuring.

Soon I realized we were in deep trouble. I might be no stranger to fooling around in movie theaters, but this was Sam. Our responses to each other at this stage were a little too intense for such a non-private place. He knew it. Knew he'd have to finish the job somehow, if I was to have any hope of enjoying the rest of the movie.

I glanced at his face. The mischievous grin I saw there sent suspicion through me. The next thing I knew, a wet mouth had engulfed my cock.

I gasped. "Are you nuts?" I managed before all sane thought fled. "You're gonna get us arres......"

**SAM** :

We went back to Allister's. I had planned to continue where we'd left off at the movies, making the most of our opportunities. Soon though, I realized Al was brooding. Something he doesn't do often.

"What's bugging you?" I asked, massaging his shoulders.

"Think her parents will help?" he asked skeptically.

So that was it. "I hope so. Maybe as long as she stays in school..."

Al sighed. "Mama Conway isn't gonna like going on welfare, but I don't plan on giving her a choice." I knew he didn't like the idea of forcing such a thing, he understood all about pride, but it was the only way to get Allister back in school full time.

"Maybe it'll be the push she needs to get her own life pulled together. She may even get a job," I encouraged. "I just hope Allister keeps his grades up and goes on to college. I'd hate to see him drafted."

"That part won't be up to us to decide."

I sighed, leaning against Al. He'd voiced the same uncertainty that lived within me. "What if they drift apart anyway?" I couldn't help the doubt from coloring my voice. "I mean, we haven't leaped yet, and...I don't know," I finished lamely.

"You feel like what we've done isn't enough, that there's something else?" he voiced my thoughts.

I nodded. We both brooded in silence for awhile.

"I think I have an idea, Sam," Al finally said. "I know someone that could help. He lives in Keshena, Wisconsin, near the Menominee Indian reservation. It's not too far a drive from here."

I watched him pick up the phone and dial, shaking my head. Leave it to Al's obscure worldliness to come to the rescue. Someday I'd ask him how he knew this person. It would be a long, colorful tale if I knew my Al.

"Could I speak with Reverend Leady, please?" he asked into the phone.

_Reverend?_

"Hello, Reverend? My name is Allister Conway. Albert Calavicci gave me your number, he said you could help me. My girlfriend and I want to get married."

_Married?_

"Yes," Al continued into the receiver. "He said to trade it in for favor number five." He laughed at something. "...This weekend would be great. One o'clock? Got it. ...Yes, he gave me the address. Okay, thank you very much. See you then."

He hung up and turned to me. "Now they'll have a reason to try harder, a commitment to making it work. And the parents will be under more pressure to accept the situation."

I was still staring at him with my mouth open, hung up on the implications of his phone call. "Al..." I began in a shaky voice. "Is that just for Chrissy and Allister, or--"

He cut in. "So how about it, Sam? Will you marry me?"

I closed my eyes briefly, drowning in the emotion which swamped me at his simple question. There could be only one answer, from my head and heart and soul.

I opened my eyes, gazing into his tentative smile. "Oh, yeah..."

XXX

The rest of the week went by in a blur. We got Allister re-enrolled in school, took his mother to apply for welfare, and he did his best to win over Meridith. Mama Conway seemed fond of me...Chrissy...but then, it might have just been her money she was fond of. It would explain her easy acquiescence to our suggestions.

Chrissy's parents were still hedging, but I had a feeling the marriage would change their minds. Especially when they realized it wasn't a pregnancy-induced wedding. It wasn't going to be an easy road for the kids, but whatever else happened in their future would be up to them. Al and I had our own road ahead, and even as a time traveler, I no more knew what it would bring than anyone else.

Well, that wasn't totally true, I did know one thing in my future. Al, always.

We spent as much of the remaining time together as we could, but even every minute of the day wouldn't have been enough. I prayed to myself that this would be the end of my...our journey. That we'd go home, together.

Then, the week was over and I found myself packing Chrissy's suitcase, sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night to elope. One thing certain...

This was by far my strangest leap.

**AL** :

The drive to Keshena was a special time I'll always remember. We stuck to the secondary roads, as yet unmarred by the ugly signs of a civilization growing out of control. It gave us a chance to enjoy the scenery and each other. Sam and I took turns driving, sang along with love songs on the radio, and complaining happily about the road food.

The only thing marring our time together was the tinge of bittersweet in the air. I stored each precious moment away to stave off the coming bitter winter. There was always the hope winter wouldn't come this year, and Sam's smile could thaw any iceberg. But I prepared anyway.

If I was a much less noble man, I would've pulled the car over permanently in one of those quaint little towns we passed through. Somewhere we could make a life for ourselves. Being only too human, I was tempted. Lord, I was tempted.

I worried for Sam. How would he handle it if we were separated again now? Somehow, come what may, we'd make it. We had to. Being a hero usually means at least pretending to be more than human. Taking on the world with a will of steel. At least we had a rare advantage on our side. Neither of us was all alone.

We stopped at a motel just outside of Keshena to spend the rest of the day and night before our appointment with Leady. The accommodations appeared...quite interesting, as Don Quixote would say. Nice. Not fancy, but comfortable.

Sam poked around the room. "Not bad."

"I'm gonna open a window, it's a little stuffy." It stuck at first, forcing me to yank harder. My abused muscles protested, and a small grunt of pain and a curse finally freed it.

Sam came over to me, concern written on his features. "Are you okay?"

"It's nothing," I assured him. "Just left over soreness from my last days on the docks."

Sam rubbed my shoulder. "Why don't you take a hot bath? When you get out, I'll give you a massage. How's that sound?"

"Terrific," I answered, pulling him to me for a kiss to tide me over until I came out. "Don't fall asleep on me, though," I winked suggestively and went into the bathroom.

"That's okay," he called. "I fuck in my sleep, too."

"Sam Beckett!" I came back out to gawk at him in shock. I was holding a bar of soap, so I advanced, grabbing his arm. "That's it -- I'm washing your mouth out with soap!"

Sam backed away, laughing. "You're just jealous 'cause you feel like you've got competition in the sleaze department now."

"Never," I insisted. "I'm a classy sleaze." He doubled over in mirth. I grabbed him to me, giving him a kiss designed to push all his right buttons...like I've said, I'm a quick study, and I loved my new knowledge. When he was clutching me to him in pleasure, panting, I broke away, leaving him stranded as I strolled back into the bathroom.

"You'll pay for that one," Sam warned me in a voice which sent shivers up my spine.

I resolved to make it a quick bath.

When I came out a short time later with a towel wrapped around my waist, the room was transformed. It was lit only by the warm glow from a couple of candles and the fading sunset outside the window. The bedspread was turned back, and the champagne we'd bought sat waiting on the night stand. It was a kind of backwards wedding night for us, neither of us figured we'd be around afterwards.

Sam was sitting on the bed, unselfconsciously naked. I found myself staring at the way the muted colors made his skin glow warmly, as he busied himself opening the champagne.

"Watch where you aim that cork," I warned in a voice breathless with wonder.

"Which one?" he asked with an evil glint in his eyes.

I shook my head at him. "What am I gonna do with you?!"

"Anything you want," was his automatic response.

I watched as the cork surrendered to his capable hands, unable to stop the visions of what those same hands could do to me...

He poured two glasses and handed me one. "What shall we toast?"

"To Chrissy and Allister, may they be as happy as we are together."

"To the man who gave wings to my ideas and made all my dreams come true," Sam whispered, touching his glass to mine.

We smiled into each other's eyes as we drank. A gentle kiss sealed the toast.

"First things first," Sam reminded, holding up a bottle of lotion.

I lay down on my stomach and soon was being treated to a delicious whole body massage. It got out my kinks, and then some. I basked in the luxury of his hands working their relaxing spell, like a man who'd never been touched.

His love was transmitted through his fingers as they worked, a healing balm for my spirit. From my arms and shoulders, he moved to my back. Even my legs weren't forgotten. I was almost purring, it felt so good.

Then, strong hands were kneading my ass and it was sending messages to my startled brain, in firm tones. He stopped, and I almost cried out at the loss of contact. My brain decided to get into the act, totally ignoring my stomach and its battle to the death with the butterfly army.

"Why don't you finish what you started?" I found myself asking.

All movement stilled. "Are you sure?" Sam whispered.

I turned onto my back. Looking into his eyes, I was never more sure of anything...or more scared of it. I didn't know what would happen after tomorrow, and I didn't want to leave something that important undone. Before we leaped out, I wanted to give myself to him the way he'd done with me. It wasn't an easy decision, but not for any of the cliché reasons I might have had at one time. It was actually far more complex than that. It was as if everything in my life had been leading up to this one moment.

I'd already given my mind and soul, now I was about to surrender my body to Sam. A journey from which I would emerge changed forever. Stronger, yet more vulnerable than I felt comfortable being. Once the walls that had protected me from pain all those years were completely torn asunder, my heart would be before him like an open wound. He'd already battered away until my defenses were weak as a newborn. This was my last boundary. In this final act, I would belong totally to him. Oh yeah, I was scared...

"I have to warn you first, there's no turning back after this. No getting rid of me, ever."

Sam leaned close. I could feel his breath on my face, smelling faintly of champagne. "Good." He kissed me, gently.

My body still hummed from the massage. As Sam made slow love to me, the humming changed to the beat of a primitive drum from the ancient ancestors of the Indians near us. I responded in kind, with an elementalism not subject to the laws of reason. Suddenly I was no longer a person composed of a mind ruling over all functions, but a body alone, answering to the call of Sam's body.

He kissed, licked and sucked every inch of me, getting some spots the massage had missed. "You're safe, here with me, Al," he murmured reassurances.

I didn't want to be 'safe' anymore.

I wanted to go beyond where I'd always stopped before, venture into the unknown realm which beckoned so enticingly. For even as I stepped over that final barrier, I knew I was safe in his love.

During my upward spiral, he finger fucked me until I yearned for more. Till I knew what he felt as he was begging me to take him that night. I tossed my head on the pillow, unable to form words to ask for what I needed. Body language would have to do.

"Now?" he asked, tenderness and animal need vying for possession of his soul.

I tipped the scales to my victor, unleashing my wild beast fully from his cage, to run free in the dark woods. I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, pulling him to me. With one powerful thrust and a groan of satisfaction, his cock was deep inside me. A silent scream left my lips as I began moving in time with him, forcing the pleasure onward. The pounding became the beat of my heart. His life throbbed within me, breathing new life into my existence. I was offered up like a sacrifice to Ancient Gods, to be born again in his arms. For the first time in my life, I was open completely, instrument of another man's drives. The heat from his body seared me, even as the cool air followed in its wake. I, in between the two, was the thunderstorm result.

He came inside me, yelling my name, begging me to come with him. I obeyed, the indescribable feeling of his seed inside me plunging me from my precarious perch into the bottomless pit. I found the voice to scream this time.

When I fell, he was there to catch me.

He rocked me in his arms, murmuring love words I couldn't make out. It didn't matter, his voice was all I needed. I was floating in a place that was only partially aware of normal reality. The walls were down, I was open and unafraid.

**SAM** :

Al cried in my arms again that night, and I held him tight. Only this time it was a purging, cleansing of the painful past which had kept him prisoner all those years.

I cried with him this time. For the innocent little boy who was left deserted and alone; the adolescent who learned to shut out his pain and rise above his beginnings. The young man who lived in hell for six years in Vietnam, only to end up losing the only love he'd known in his life. The reckless, selfish, fun-obsessed man who'd been born of that. The angry, hurting drunk who began to realize that method wasn't working.

That's where I'd come in. To pick him up off the ground, only to hurt him some more myself. By then he'd decided to dig in his boot heels and hang on, no matter what. Repent for whatever he figured he must've done to be cursed this way.

I cried harder than him, I think. For all my time traveling, I couldn't erase any of what took place in his life. Wouldn't. The fact that he wouldn't want me too, wouldn't let me, was a price we both bore together. Because all the years of his life came together to form the man he was today, the man in my arms. The man who was my Al. The one who'd told me he'd willingly do it all over again... for me. If reincarnation was a fact and we'd been together in another lifetime, maybe it was all for me. I never wanted to cause him to regret that.

I dared go further in my wild musings. In fact, maybe in my previous life I'd found a way to skip a level or two and now it was my karmic justice to live out this life of constant reincarnations.

Until Al came to me.

I could not believe I wouldn't be home with him, soon. Maybe not this time, but we'd be home together...or dead, together. _Que Sera, Sera._ It was the very first thing I'd heard as I began my strange journey. Someone was definitely trying to tell me something.

I knew that according to the laws of karma, even death is a choice we make, but that was one of the parts I had the most trouble accepting. Then, sometimes we make choices for reasons unknown to us at the time. Did I make the choice to leap around like this? I didn't know, but if so, I'd also find a way to get home, too.

It was enough for now to know that on any plane, in any time or universe or incarnation, I was Al's and he was mine.

The thunderstorm passed, the sun of a new day broke through in Al's tender smile. "I love you, Sam."

"Welcome to the first day of the rest of your life."

**AL** :

Sam and I sat on a bench in a little hallway, waiting for them to call us. We didn't talk much, there didn't seem to be much to say. I kept telling myself I shouldn't be nervous. After all, it wasn't like this was new to either of us.

Every time I glanced at Sam, he gave me a shaky but reassuring smile. I knew it bothered him -- just a little -- that we might actually go through the wedding for Chrissy and Allister, but I figured if the Powers-That-Be didn't want us to, they could easily leap us out at any time. Besides, I had a feeling this was for us as well as the kids.

Maybe that was where most of the nervousness came from too, wondering when we'd leap out, if we'd stay together...

Sam slid closer to me. "Ready for number six?" he whispered in my ear with a smile.

"Six is my lucky number, ever since that night in Vegas with the six chorus girls..." I teased.

"You wish!" He hit me in the arm. "And if that's the way you dealt with your other weddings, no wonder your wives left you."

"None of them was my best friend too." He slid an arm around my waist. "Besides," I reminded him about Vegas, "you were there."

"Yeah, and three of them were mine." Sam fell silent, I knew something heavy was coming. "Al...I love you just the way you are, you know that. I mean, I don't want to change you..."

"You already have."

"Yeah, but I mean..."

"I know what you mean," I assured him. "Listen, neither of us knows what the future is going to bring, so let's just wait and see." I took his hand in mind. "We're doing this of our own free will. That's the way I'd like it to stay."

Sam squeezed the hand in his. "Okay."

"I'm crazy about you," I told him, stealing a quick kiss.

"By the way, just how did you become friends with the Reverend, anyway?"

I was grateful for the change of subject. "That'll make a nice bedtime story, some night."

He shook his head. "You never cease to amaze me, Al."

"Myself either, kid."

Then it was our turn at the altar. At the altar...me and Sam. Maybe I was dreaming. But like Sam once said, we made our dreams come true.

We stood before Leady, holding hands for moral support. Most of what he said I didn't really hear, which didn't matter since I'd heard it so many times before. Conversely, it had never mattered as much before either. Still, I didn't need to hear. My heart heard what my ears didn't.

Sam looked like he was hanging on every word, though. I held the hand in mine a little tighter.

"Are there any words you'd like to say?" Leady asked, giving us a chance to personalize the ceremony. Always ahead of his time, he was one of the first to encourage couples to write their own vows.

I shook my head, surprised when Sam spoke up.

He turned to me. "I just want to..." he hesitated. "Promise to try every day to be worthy of the gift Al has given me in his love."

"Me, too..." I whispered creatively. Wouldn't you know it? I wasn't going to get through this wedding with dry eyes after all. When I'd married Beth, I had all these crazy, idealistic plans in my head. The future awaited. It ended up not being the way I thought it would, from the first. Water under the bridge. With Sam, I knew the truth. This wasn't a new beginning, it was more a celebration of the way we'd always lived, the love, belief and commitment that had always been between us. Only the intensity was different. How can you go wrong when you're just continuing along the path you've been on?

I knew what Leady must have been saying...only it wasn't what I was hearing...

"Do you, Christine Cambridge,"

_Samuel Beckett,_

"take Allister Conway,"

_Albert Calavicci,_

"to be your lawfully wedded husband?"

"I do," Sam answered. I couldn't doubt the truth in his eyes; they shone far more than I'd seem them at his wedding to Donna.

"Do you, Allister Conway,"

_Albert Calavicci,_

"take Christine Cambridge,"

_Samuel Beckett,_

"to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

_Soulfully wedded life-mate..._

"I do." _I do._

"I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride."

We kissed gently, almost fearfully, waiting for the familiar feeling that would tell us our time was up. When our lips parted, I looked into those eyes that I wanted to spend eternity in. "Still here?" I stated the obvious.

Sam grinned. "I didn't marry you for your brain, did I, Al?"

"Same here, Tootsie," I countered. The look he gave me promised revenge at the first possible opportunity. I knew it would be sweet.

I turned to shake Leady's hand and thank him. He'd never know what a big one I owed him this time. His assistant, a wonderful old girl named Helen, led Sam over by the wall for the complimentary photograph.

I started over to him...just as that cursed blue light began to envelop us.

We both reached out, but it was too late. The last thing I saw was him mouthing the words, _I love you._ Then, we were both pulled away.

**SAM** :

"Al!" I came through calling his name. There was no sound, save for the echo, and I was alone. I stared around wildly, trying to get my bearings. I knew this place, and very well. My eyes widened in shock at it hit me. I was in the Imaging Chamber at Project Quantum Leap. Home!

But alone.

And if I was there, it meant Al was...

"Oh boy..."

**The End**

12/3/91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sam's first wife of course, is the girl he had the crush on when he was a kid, from the episode, "The Leap Home." The song, "Let It Be Me" is also from an episode, "Camikazi Kid." I always loved that end scene. Al was SO singing it to Sam.
> 
> PS: Just an fyi that I wrote these stories during the 4th season while the show was still on the air. There will be no Beth in this universe.


	3. Poem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A poem to compliment the story.

**LET IT BE ME**

Let it be me

All I asked

of Time, or Fate, or Whoever

My unfair advantage

is not enough

to ease the fear of losing you

to Time, or Fate, or Whoever

Time: a failed leap

Fate: a fatal mistake

Whoever: another, greater love

Should it be enough

to be your only link

all you have

When you're all I have

or need...

Or want

Let it be me.


End file.
